Talent Scout #4

Pascal Cygan
aka Arsenals Secret Weapon, Baldy, Mr Unreliable
Club Arsenal
Nationality France

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! Its Pascal Cygan sending a player flying through the air. Graham Polls coming over. Hes reaching into his pocket. Oh, oh, it is, it is. A red card.

Poor old Cygan. The hapless Arsenal defender has been the butt of all soccer jokes and his butt-shaped head doesn't help. Too old to develop any more skills and too young to retire the 32 year old is one of those players that a team loves to play against, and hates to play with.

It wasn't always this bad though. Cygan gained recognition after he was voted French Player of the Year, with his time at Lille. He almost made the French national team that year and a certain coach in England raised his eyebrows at the prospect of having Cygan on his team.

Yes, France was good to Cygan. But it wasn't to be in England. Playing alongside the likes of Campbell and Keown should have benefited him but it didn't. Some say he was poisoned by Manchester United, others believe it was the shaven head rivalry between him and Campbell, but whatever the reason for his terrible form, it has turned Cygan's world upside down.

The once 'promising' defender even rang up The Sam defender Tony Ng for some tips on managing the Dfence. Ng, who speaks fluent French gave Cygan a list of things he was doing wrong. The list was 50 pages long. Soon after the meeting Cygan scored 2 goals and helped Arsenal earn a clean sheet, but inconsistency showed and he was relegated to the darkest depths of the bench.

Cygan does have strengths though. In the last FA Cup final, the game ended with Man Utd and Arsenal in a penalty shoot-out. All of the Arsenal penalty takers wore Cygan masks and Roy Carroll, laughing so much at the sight of the many Cygans failed to save a single penalty, and finished up on the losing side.

Cygan the entrepreneur is a completely different story. His joint business with Jens Lehmann selling Mining Suits was a major success. Last year his 'Mine Your Own Business' T-Shirts earned him worldwide recognition and earned him Time Magazine Businessman of the Year. Cygan later quit after reports that Lehmann was paying slaves in Netherlands Antilles to make the mining suits. His new business, selling Cygan shirts was a hit, though most people bought them as a joke or to use the fabric for making curtains.

Whether Cygan is selling shirts or scoring 'owned' goals, he will forever be applauded by the opposition, make Arsene Wenger flinch any time he has the ball, and be a conversation starter at The Sam functions.