Player Profile #2

Nick Kim
aka. Bum Joon Kim
aka. Rocketball man
aka. 'Watch out he's gonna shooooot!'

There are many feared people in the world, Osama Bin Laden, The Green Goblin and Jerry Springer to name a few. But you would be hard pressed to find someone more feared than Bum Joon Kim. Believe it or not he is actually not a bad person. His right foot, though, could knock down the international space station.

His physique and hight make him a perfect right midfielder/winger. Born and bred for football, he is a massive asset to The Sam. His skill with the ball and his ability to get past makes him the 'Ronaldinho of the Far East'. That quote was made early last year. Perhaps the quote should now be that 'Ronaldinho is the Bum Joon of Latin America'. But where Bum Joon surpasses every other player in the world is his shot. There is not much to say about his shot other than it is powerful, very powerful. In a game against Tottenham in December, Bum Joon was awarded a penalty for a late tackle. Spurs' keeper Robinson actually put himself into the fetal position in the corner of the goal and wept 'Please dont hit me, please dont hit me...'.

Bum Joon has had to make a back up name (Nick) in order to keep people from sceaming in terror from him. In some countries, Bum Joon has actually become a rude word, due to the injuries caused by Nicks massive kicks. 'Im gonna Bum Joon you' is a common phrase around school playing fields.

Nick has protested loudly about not being one of the members on The Sam's board. He believes that since he was one of the four founding fathers (FFF) of The Sam, he should be a member. All is not lost for him though. He has known Sam McClean (the chairperson) for the longest and is still able to pass his ideas onto Sam who will usually pass it on to the rest of the board. Nick actually started the FFF in order to combat the commitee and he tried to make the FFF the main board for The Sam. The other members are Sam, Charles and Keeth. Unfortunetely, Keeth is spending less time in the vicinity and four members on the board makes it harder to get a majority, therefore harder to make propositions law. The FFF still exists but is a lesser entity than the commitee. The FFF can still make motions that the commitee MUST see to.

Nick is the foriegn representative for The Sam. He is responsible for the happiness of the foriegn players in the squad. This includes Derek, Winter, Seung and Duke. He has turned out to be very skilled at this job.

Bum Joon is a brilliant player. His skills are unseen before, but it is his shot that is his mojo. His shot is 100% unstoppable. That is a fact.

Player Profile #1

Charles Hornblow.
aka. Little Frannie Boo
aka. Francia

This striker from The Sam lives up to every one of his five Stars. His nature on and off the pitch makes him a well respected and formidable opponent.

Well respected, as in well respected from other teams. He is a source of ammusement for most of the players in the team. Underneath it all though, on the field he cannot be laughed at. He is known throughout the world as a player that can make superb goals out of the most mundane plays.

His loyalty to the team is unbelievable. he would support The Sam till the bitter end, if indeed that could actually happen (which it can't). He travels every day to train with the team from hundreds of miles away in the far off kapiti coast, and still manages to control his jet lag.

In his birthplace of Papua New Guinea, he is known in the native language as 'Mumbakisau', which means 'the unstoppable one'. This title is could not be given to a better player. Once Charles steps over that halfway line, he comes into his own, and his right boot is the horror that keeps goalkeepers awake at night, and is second only to one Nick Kim.

You may ask why has got the nick name of 'Little Franny Boo'. This is a very interesting question. During a team tour to Argentina in mid 2005, the team were assigned bedrooms in a hotel, two players per room (two single beds, not one double, you sicko's). Arthur Tse woke in the middle of the night hearing Charles sleep talk. Charles, Arthur says, was mumbling, but in the middle of the mumbles were three distinct words- 'little...franny...boo'. The team's first theory was that it may have been a name of one of Charles' pets. This was not the case. To this date no-one but Charles knows the origins of this name.

Since 'Little Franny Boo' has been made an official trademark of The Sam, merchandice has been selling 30% more than the usual trends. If anyone was to think that Charles would have been greatly offended by all of this they were sadly mistaken. Little Franny Boo is now the fourth most known name in the world, with 89% of the worlds population knowing it, which is more than his actual name, Charles Hornblow which is known by 52%.

Getting back to him, charles is also a supurb coach for The Sam, his knowledge of football means that he is able to show any player how to play to the best of their abilities.

Charles has just joined the F5, the group of the five richest and best Strikers in the world. Of course, he was offered a place over a year ago because of his greatness, and the group wanting to get rid of Ronaldo, but he has refused until now. The other members if the reader is interested are Rooney, Shevshenko, Adriano and Shearer. Charles is also part of the four founding fathers (FFF), which is a group Bum Joon made to celebrate the four founders of The Sam, and the historic importance of that meeting to play soccer for the first time...

So to sum Charles up, you would have to say that he cannot be compared to any strikers playing today. Even the other four players in the F5, if they were put together, they would have a tough time trying to emulate Charles' brilliance. Charles is the king of goal scoring. Long may he reign.