Profile Featurette #6

Christopher Nelson Smith DeSousa
aka Chris
aka The Chris

Club Everton (NZ), Lisboa (Portugal)
Nationality Portugal, Nelson, Holland

In physics The Third Law of Motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. We here at The Sam don't care too much about these things.

However, legend has it that around the same time that The Sam was born, another man was also born, with powers to rival The Sam, but who would be known as The AntiSam. The man - DeSousa.

Despite the fact that he is a good footballer, DeSousa is known more for the fact that he is The Sams arch-nemesis - and number one arch-nemesis at that.

Born with the ability to tick people off, DeSousa also possesses superhuman arrogance and the ability to take all the fun out of a soccer game. He uses these powers constantly in an attempt to fulfil his destiny - to destroy The Sam.

There have been many attempts to thwart The Sams plans, but the biggest one to date was the infiltration of The Sam, famously nicknamed DeSousaGate.

In the summer of 2005, DeSousa disguised himself as a carefree footballer and turned up to The Sam training session, where after a few weeks became a permanent name on the roster.

While there DeSousa stole many valuable things from The Sam FC including The Sword Excalibur, The World Club Cup and a handful of Indoor Soccer medals, all possessions of great worth owned by The Sam. The entire planet went through a temporary 'depression' as shareholders of the items went crazy over their disappearance.

This incident is written in history, and is taught in NCEA English Level 2.

The power struggle between The Sam and DeSousa is one that may never end. Philosophers predict that the battle will continue on until eternitys end.

In the meantime, DeSousa will try to destroy The Sam on the pitch as his new team Everton face off against The Sam in the Indoor Soccer League.

Player Profile #9

Geoffrey Wong
aka. Geofsinho
aka. Geoffrey Ng
aka. The DOMINATOR

The latest member of The Sam to join the awe inspiring committee of members, Geoff is definitely as good as, if not better than his colleagues in the committee. Hopefully more will come.

Born and raised (like captain Arthur) in the mighty Wairarapa, Geoff quickly learnt his footballing skills and was a representative in the major tounaments for juniors in Oceania. Unlike hometown pal Arthur, Geoff set his sights not on Europe, but on New Zealands finest The New Zealand Kingz. The signing bought the New Zealand public some hope that a New Zealand team could actually do something. Alas this was not to be-for even if the Kingz were full of stars, it would be impossible for the Kings to do any better than second last, purely because there is a point when a team can go so low that they can never become any higher.

However Geoff did not give up on his country so easily. He went on to play for The All Whites at the confederations cup. Geoff was the saviour of New Zealand when he scored the equalising goal against Scotland that year, in which Dickov had to reply "Ach! Whats me bonney wee native land coom tae? Weer aabsooluutely paathetic! Ohh aye and I bet yous wee scallywags oover there in Neuw Zeeland think your simpley greet! Ach! GOONAE NOOO DAE THAAAT!" Geoff had certainly shown his brilliance. He was sponsered later that year by Dominate hair products and had a $3 million deal with them.

Newcastle United then offered $17 million to buy Geoff (money which is not known if they had any way) Geoff rejected because besides not wanting to play in Europe, he didn't want to have to play in the Intertoto cup year by year and losing to teams called Streiberkauskin GK from a country God knows where each year.

In 2005 The Sam was bought into being. Geoff leapt at the chance of playing at The Sam. However, he signed late and he was only able to play a handful of games that season. At the end of the year, Chris DeSousa was desmissed and The Sam had to choose who would replace him in the committee. Geoff got the place in front of Nick, and their were threats of Bum Jooning occuring anywhere and everywhere so all balls were confiscated around Kelburn and Geoff had to have body guards around him at all times, even in rooms with 1 meter thick walls, as physics has not yet found how powerfull a Bum Jooning can be.

Geoff is the only two foot player in The Sam. His most famous play is the goal scoring by his left foot at a tight left angle to the goal. His four goals scored for the Sam in one game in 2006 is proof of his special abilities. Will he steal the show in 2006?

Profile Featurette #5

The SAMbas

A team known for their extravagant style of football, The Sambas are one of the most widely supported teams in the world. They invented the very concept of 'Play Beautiful' or 'Joga Bonito' and choreographed the Pringles commercial. A team started up by The Sam, The Sambas are based in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Team Members:

Adriartho

Defender/Defensive Midfielder.

Bum Jooninho

Sweeper/Midfielder/Winger/Forward

Chazinho Del Horno

Striker/Wing Forward.

Craiginha

Winger/Wing Forward

Davino Abbondanzieri

Defender/Midfielder

Geofsinho

Winger/Striker

Marcos Evangelista de Moraes Keefu

Goalkeeper/Midfielder

Pakelele Pakinho

Defender/Midfielder

Samao Sabrosa

Goalkeeper/Defender/Midfielder/Centre Forward

Seunginho

Midfielder/Forward

Steve De Souza Robinho Cubisneto

Defensive Midfielder

Tonaldinho

Goalkeeper/Defender/Defensive Midfielder

Wintero Carlos

Full Back/Defender/Midfielder

Player Profile #8

THE SAM
aka Thesam
aka Samuel McClean
aka Samao Sabrosa
aka Sam

Nationality New Zealand, Scotland, Greece, England, Plimmerton
Club The Sam FC

The year 2005 could be described by historians as a bad one. Storms caused chaos throughout the planet, suicide bombers killed innocent people, not to mention war erupted between a certain Chinese guy and an arrogant Portuguese guy.

However one event occured that ensured that the year 2005 would be a good one - the emergence of The Sam and his club The Sam FC.

A man with better soccer skills than Pele or Maradona and more political powers than George W Bush, the emergence of The Sam was predicted by Nostradamus who described him as a cross between Goku and Captain Planet but with curly hair, and who would influence the game of soccer like no other.

A genuine world class footballer, The Sam is known for his pinpoint accurate passing, perfectly timed tackles and unmatchable ability to stack milk on the shelves at New World Thorndon.
His swashbuckling style of play, outrageous tricks and level of influence on the pitch represent the very embodiment of joga bonito and because of that The Sam is one of the worlds most respected individuals.

Success follows The Sam. He has won World Player of the Year 5 times and Employee of the Month 12 times and is on track to leading The Sam FC to a record 34th Victoria Indoor League title.

But there is another side to the founder of The Sam FC. He pursued a music career in 2004 and released an album called The Voice of The Sam. It was a major success with 'Little Franny Boo where are you?' and 'Seung Song' reaching number one in UK and USA.
He also sponsors a child in Africa for World Vision and recently visited Equatorial Guinea to feature in a Charity football match.

The year 2005 will be remembered as a good one. It will be forever written into the pages of history as The Year of The Sam.

Talent Scout #6

Jean Alain Boumsong
aka The BUMEDsong

The French are known for their great defenders. Thuram, Gallas, Napoleon Bonaparte - all great defenders. However Les Bleu also tend to produce average defenders. Very average ones.

For a long time Pascal Cygan (of Arsenal) was known as the worst French defender. He held onto that title for a very long time. Players like Silvestre and Traore challenged the title but Cygan always came out best...I mean worst.

However 2005 saw the rise of an even worse defender 'GASP'. Everyone saw Jean Alain Boumsong in action and in a split second Cygan was forgotten.

Sporting the criminal colours of Newcastle, Boumsong is often seen tackling his own players, tripping over his adidas Predator boots (Bought second-hand off Raul) and scoring own goals.
His most memorable moment was in a match against Cheltenham Town in which he simultaneously scored an own goal and injured his own team mate and captain Alan Shearer, ending the Newcastle legends career.

Yet Boumsong made the French national squad. Not only that - he made the French national squad that made the Final of the World Cup 2006.

The new Premier League season is about to begin and Newcastle fans can only cringe at the fact that the BOOMsong may feature. But we here at The Sam FC will be right behind him, supporting him all the way-hahahahahahaha. Nah, just kidding.

Player Profile #7

Winter Liu
aka. The Chinese Storm
aka. The Assist-o-maniac

Winter is an amazing contribution t0 The Sam. His all field play helps The Sam get into great goal scoring opportunities. What is unusual about Winter is that his position is usually left back, but when he moves foreward he goes up the right wing.

Winter started his career in far Western China beside the Gobi Desert. He learnt to be a unbelievably talented player by the age of fifteen, and he was known across Western China as 'The boy who can kick a round ball goodly'. His achievements spread across foriegn lands until it reached the ears of a wize old man in Vietnam. This man had in his family another great young player called Duc. The man saw his chance and payed for Winter to join him in his village. Duc and Winter together were now the two best players from Mumbai to Kumchutka. Unfortunetely both of the boys were captures by a dark wizard. Duc escaped by having a (vietnamese) fantasy and learning how to get out in his dream. Winter was taken to japan were he was used to make money for showing his supurb soccer skills. While there, The Sam player Charles Hornblow was on a scouting mission in Japan, and he happened to see Winter one day. Charles briefly talked to hgis The Sam colleagues and promptly offered a transfer fee of $27 million for Winter.

Winter then began strutting his stuff. He performed so well for The Sam that he bacame first team straight away. His nick-name Assist-o-maniac comes from so many assists coming from the foot of Winter. At the beginning of 2006, there was a scare that Winter may leave The Sam for Organic Gangstas or The Challenge but The Sam's board assured fans that no teams in this competition could afford Winter with his minimum $78 million asking price.

Disaster struck in the middle of 2006 though. Winter had to minimise his The Sam playing time drastically to leave time for other commitments. However, it is assured that Winter, even if he does not play another game for The Sam, is contracted to The Sam until well into 2010, so there is no chance that another team may purchase him as is the case with Seung.

Having Winter play for The Sam has been very inspirational for the team. As one of the most reliable, friendly and skillful players of The Sam, he will not only be sorely missed, he will be irreplaceble.