Player Profile #14

DEREK WAN

aka. The Samurai.

Derek is largely forgotten when The Sam is mentioned nowadays. With so many players, and so much competitions, it is quite easy to forget the ones who left before The Sam became Internationally recognised and feared.

Derek seemed to be a true blue when it came to The Sam. Most though he would stick around. He was known as the best player when it came to tackling, which led to his nick-name, 'the samurai' due to his ability to unexpectedly take the ball off other players.

Dereks storry with The Sam is eventually a sorrowfull one. After going through the first season looking foreward to the next, Derek hit a bump. We all know his painfull addiction to Mongololian Cow mucus, it was a very complicated time for Derek, and the media did not help. they made it to seem really bad. Dereks complication was soon surpassed by the sacking od desousa, and derek was left alone for a while.

Derek stated that he was ready for first team appearances, but he was left out of the squad and only made two appearances in summer soccer.

The Sam would like to reject stereotypes about Derek, and say that he is not very short, as most think he is.

Derek is currently in court laying charges against The Sam management. However, despite this, we would like to praise Derek for his contribution to the team.

Profile Featurette #13

Duck

Born and bred in the Wairarapa, the duck is an odd creature, designed for swimming, flying and joga bonito.

Its discovery by Masterton pair Arthur Tse and Geoffrey Wong meant The Sam FC finally had a new mascot, after the huge failure of Roger the Wall Wrecking Rat.

The duck resides at Lakeview, Masterton, owned by Arthur where it spends most of its day eating snails and chasing the mailman. Due to its popularity, especially amongst the elderly, the number of ducks increased at Lakeview and at one time there were as many as 14 ducks living at the A-Train residence.

What distinguishs the duck from other animals is its ability to play soccer. It has supreme dribbling ability, great leadership on the pitch and is capable of juggling the ball for long periods of time. One duck was recorded to have juggled a soccer ball on its beak for 5 days straight. It died afterwards from exhaustion. Sad story.

Since becoming the mascot for The Sam, the duck has also become acquainted with many other teams and is now statistically the most widely used mascot of any sports team. Famous ducks such as Newcastles Toon Duck have gone on to become successful actors in daytime soap operas.

These days, unfortunately, the duck is often hunted by poachers for its fur and numbers are on the decline. The duck is near extinction and there are only about 10 billion left in the wilderness. But The Sam FC remain supportive and have several wildlife reserves, where the duck continues to be bred for mascot superstardom.

Profile Featurette #12

The Long Room

aka. The Sam's Training Ground

The most sophisticated training facility outside of the USA, the Long Room provides The Sam with much needed physical and mental preparation.

Its long rectangle shape allows for modern speed tests and passing practice. Its solid wall provides good shooting practice and its rock-wall overhang part provides adequate sleeping facilities.

Its bleak style helps the team become totally focussed on training, due to there being nothing at all to look at other than the ball. The metal poles on the roof makes the football deflect off them and land in awkward places, sometimes even back to the player who kicked it, thus reminding the players that Wellington Wind can also do this. The green floor reminds the team of grass.

The Long Room is also a set for the Tse-Wong film Own Goal when The Sam is having a practice before the final. Tour operators are now on a waiting list to be allowed to travel into the room.

Most importantly, the Long Room is the official facility for Bum Joon practice. Thrill seekers, on their way between the sky-dives of Queenstown and the Bungy-jumps of the North Island, pay a fee to stand against the back wall and have Bum Joon smash a ball at them. This is only for the rich, however. Five minutes with The Joon will set you back as much as $70,000.

The Long Room is thought to be a definite asset to The Sam in terms of their success on the pitch, and hopefully it won't let them down.